Haven's above

I'm coming a bit late to this one - Haven



It's a series that started in July on SyFy (dontcha just hate that rebranding? It's like they think SciFi is too difficult a concept for big cow people in Iowa to understand..."Honey I just found this channel with lotsa weird stuff on, I think it's called Sky-fee....")

Anyway, It's based on a Stephen King novel called the Colorado Kid. And the show is dull. Sorry. First of all, don't bother adapting Stephen King novels for television, they rarely work. The only one I can think of that did is Salem's Lot (and the miniseries of It doesn't count, on the grounds that the final part was shite).

Secondly, It's set in Maine. Why does every single Stephen King story take place in Maine? Good God, man, you're rich enough - do some travelling. Ffs.

Thirdly it's about a female, blonde FBI agent (who just happens to be an orphan) investigating strange people and strange happenings in the town of Haven er...Fringe anyone? Or perhaps the X files?. Good grief.

The pilot sets up a luuuuuuuurve triangle pretty quickly between her and the handsome (note to self: questionable...) local detective, who's literally an unfeeling lump, and the beardy young psychic smuggler type who's a little bit rogue-ish and looks like a cross between Ali-G and Ross from Friends (for younger readers: that was a hit show in the 1990s. Girls liked it for some reason. You can still catch repeats of it on one of Channel 4s crappier digital channels. If you can be bothered.)

Wooden acting, a cast who aren't attractive or recognisable enough, a "who-cares" plot...Oh, I can't be arsed to tell you how mundane this show is, so I'll stop right now.

In my 1970s Indian soft-drink scale of goodness, this is definitely Campa Cola. If you've ever tsated that stuff, you'll know that's bad. Oh, and I don't know if Haven is coming to the UK soon (and in this case, I don't care).